Soul searching - what does that mean for me?


We go through different stages of our lives from time to time; it often shows up when we have learn the lessons set out for us, not by our parents, but by life. In psychology, this is known as human development and its different life stages by by Erik Eriksson, 8 stages to be exact according to him. In each stage the person confronts, and hopefully masters, new challenges. You may find out more here: https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html


For example, in our teens, we try to figure out who were are, our values, beliefs, our needs, our independence and create our own stage - relationships, studies, community, hobbies. Not just in our teens, we do go through this stage of changing our beliefs, and needs as we grow older. I remember the beliefs and values in my 20s, 30s and 40s are somewhat different. It is often good to know what your needs are so as not to pursue the wrong situations in life. For example, finding the right relationship for us. What I may want in a relationship now, may not be the same as yours or even from my past years, mainly because I don't know myself any better then! In could be a job that you are not sure of but you think it's prestigious, and has a great recognition. What if you are not passionate about it, what if that is not your calling or one of your strength; you will end up feeling unfulfilled, stressed, unhappy and empty. Soul searching is so important for all of us as it saves you from heart aches, invested time, energy, money and other people's emotions as well.


It is important to be aware when we go through these moments of confusion about ourselves, the situation we are in and wondering whats happening within. When our soul needs to move on up to a different level of learning, it usually knocks on the door as confusion, isolation, perhaps irritability, or "low". So just what do you do? Here are some examples you can help yourself and honor this time as your self-care and self-love time because you are important, you are worthy and you are loved just as you are, no matter what stage you are in!


  1. Find the time to be alone, and a safe space to just be yourself.

  2. Detach from all social media, or TV. Find some soothing music that would help you delve deeper into your thoughts and feelings. You may want to start off meditation for 5 mins if that helps and I found this useful: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inpok4MKVLM

  3. Know that it is ok to take time out to be by yourself, to search what is going on in your world. It is ok to draw your boundaries, this helps you to feel more empowered to control to some extend your physical distance from others, for your emotional well being.

  4. If need to, inform your close friends / family that you need to take some time out to do some thinking. I have known good friends whom I have not spoken to in years (and even miss out on their weddings) to eventually connecting with them. It is as if time never stopped for either of us; that is what true good friends are. They don't get upset, they just understand. I have been at fault once when I did not practice compassion and understanding when a good friend ran off on me for a good reason, and I learn that lesson now, to not be judgmental and always give them that benefit of doubt and space :)

  5. This is the best time to have your journal out and write down all that has happened and what is currently going on around you and within you, your work, relationships, your personal life - hobbies, your time out - self-care, have you had any recently? Write down what you want happen in your life, what you seek for and what makes your life meaningful and joyful. Sometimes, the past shows us what we have already known within but have forgotten, the gifts (talents) we were born with. It is almost like connecting the dots. Think about a special moment, where something gave your life some meaning and joy. Write down your needs, the non-negotiables, what you are willing and not willing to give up for.

  6. Write down what you are grateful and thankful for. This will keep the balance in positivity as you search.

  7. Go to someone you are comfortable talking with, who will not judge you or give you advise but to listen to what is going on within you. You may opt to see a counselor or a psychologist to help you as they are good with listening and may help shed some light to what you are facing.

  8. Ensure that you sleep well, eat well, meditate and add some light exercise to your routine.

These are some examples of what you can do while soul searching, or you may have your own way of doing things that is meaningful and comfortable for yourself, and that is ok. Mainly, give your self some time to alone, breathe and just be.