I have been struggling to read ( never mind open) 3 hard copy books on what I am researching on. As much as I want to read it, I am passionate about the subjects, but I just can't seem to bring myself to read them. I tried all methods and even set a self accountability, that I would start with one book and read half of it by 5 days. It is still on chapter 3 after 3 days ..(out of 15 chapters). Today I did an EFT tapping work with another practitioner and wanted to work on this. I was open to finding the cause behind this overwhelm / procrastination.
I begin to see a pattern around this. I have been hardwired / programmed to believe that to read a book, one must read from cover to cover, pouring over every single detail even if it does not have any meaning / purpose / benefit - what I would call fillers. How have I come to believe that unless I read cover to cover, I would know / understand / learn what I need to know? I grew up rote learning and by that it means just memorize whatever is on the book and regurgitate it out at exams. Was I learning anything? I don't think so. As I grow older, I realize a strong need to understand what I am studying / reading and it has to bring meaning / benefits for me and others that I reach out to.
What I have come to learn of myself from doing this work is that I have my own way (each of you have your own ways too) of capturing information. I realize too that no one has ever told me that I can be just who I am, that it is ok to be different and non-conforming in the way I learn! That I can be ME and do whatever ways and means to read and capture the important information that I am looking for. I can be me and that is ok. I wonder how much of us have been so set in a certain way because we have learn or been taught so, and no one ever told us that you can just be You. That you are unique, and you can be different and that is ok.