I had an interesting conversation with my EFTi tapping support group a few weeks back. We spoke about why it can be difficult for some of us to achieve our dreams, the cause of our stumbling blocks, our self-sabotaging ways, and our fragmented Selves. Psychology often refers the fragment self to victims of trauma that causes one to experience “dissociative identity disorder” (DID). It is not so much as one has multiple personalities (one for work, one for friends etc.), but that one has less than one personality - hence it is fragmented. Dr. David Spiegel wrote that "DID can be thought of as a chronic, severe form of post-traumatic stress disorder. The essence of traumatic stress is helplessness—a loss of control over one’s body. The mental imprint of such frightening experiences sometimes takes the form of loss of control over parts of one’s mind—identity, memory, and consciousness—just as physical control is regained".
However, what I am going to write about is not one as intense as a DID topic but about the beliefs we had in our childhood that has taken away our permission to live a full life, one that is thriving, joyful and fulfilling! Instead, in that fragmented self, we want to believe that we can do better but something is always blocking us, either our conscious limited belief ("I'm not that smart, I don't deserve it, I'm not that pretty anyway", etc...) or the subconscious limited belief that causes the self-sabotaging behaviors of almost reaching the goals or of reaching the goals but having it all being snatched away from within days / weeks. Perhaps subconsciously you remember someone really close to you (often time your parents / guardian) telling you that "you're not smart, you're too skinny /fat, you'll never make enough, you don't need to study so much because you'll just waste my money-just go get married instead, you're no good etc.". All the subconscious belief may be the cause of us sabotaging ourselves. Even if our dream is manifesting itself right before us, we’d probably be too wounded, unsure or confused and thus push it away.
In short, when the psyche - our true self, is not aligned (mind, body and spirit), one part of us can dream all we want and another part will be shouting to look into - self esteem, self worth, self believe, self love, acceptance of what’s happening within, ego and pride; basically the shadow self is at work seeking for attention, recognition and healing.
Footwork is very important to align the psyche - one’s disconnected self with the true self, in order to manifest and make those dreams happen; it can be challenging to attract something that we're unsure of. To have a deeper work on aligning to new beliefs / rewiring your thoughts and removing old stuck beliefs that does not serve you, will need work with a certified therapist; as I am practicing EFT, this is one of the recommendation amidst all different therapies out there. Find a therapist and modality that suits you best in order to do this work. I’ll share some guides below on how to do some aligning work on your own.
1) Have a journal with you - invest in a nice pretty book and pen, that you’d always want to hold it and write in it.
2) Find a scared space that you feel free, safe and at peace. Sit comfortably and perhaps close your eyes for five to ten minutes - you may use guided meditation or play some soothing music. Take a few slow, deep breaths. 3) When you are ready, write down specifically what you dream of (eg purchase your own house, get that dream job, finding that partner in life - elaborate as much as possible about these dreams so you’d know what you’re looking for exactly).
4) Ask yourself, what is it that you’re looking for, what does your true self need.
5) What would this dream look like for you when it is true, how would you feel, what would you be doing. Again, write all these down.
6) Have you done anything to get yourself aligned to this dream eg house - finances, dream job - any qualifications needed etc., finding a partner - are you available - physically and emotionally. 7) When you have finished with the writing, put your hand over your heart. Feel what resonates deeply with you, what comes up in your thoughts. When you are ready, open your eyes gently, and continue to write these down. When you are satisfied with the work, close and surrender it. 8) Daily, choose to sit in this quiet scared space, 5-10 mins at least, and continue with your gentle mindful breathing work. This work is important because if you do not love yourself, nor count yourself worthy to give this ten minutes of time to yourself, how would you expect the dream to want, to respect or acknowledge you. Remember, treat yourself well. You are worthy, you are valuable and you are loved!
Yes, we are complex beings but on a very interesting journey to learning more of ourselves and encountering growth in our process. Only when your whole being is aligned, what you’re dreaming of / seeking will find you as you search for them! Trust and believe.